Among the various relations that we make in our life journey, there is one relation that is called relationship for life or partnership for life. Yes, this relationship between husband and wife is the one that has long term association. Have you ever thought that though parent-child relation is the longest and purest, why, husband-wife are called as life partners or lifelong companions? In Hinduism, wife is the ardhangini (half of man) according to Satpatha Brahmana, which means man is incomplete without wife. As per the Vedas, the souls of the couples are joined for seven re-incarnations after their marriage.
So, in this article, I am going to talk about this relationship which has been given as one of the highest order. When we say, life partner or soul mate, it has deep rooted meaning. The acceptance for each other is not only physical but much beyond that, it is heart’s desire, it is eternal and internal relation. As you scroll down the article, I would be expressing my views about maintaining healthy relationship between husband and wife.
- Life partners as friends for life: In my view, before considering themselves as husband and wife, they should consider themselves as friends, and this relationship of friendship should neither be forgotten nor be short lived. Addressing each other as companions or best friend and not husband-wife always, gives a different dimension to the relationship. Many a times, friendship between husband and wife does not exist or fades away after some time, due to which, the relation between them becomes sour. So, be friends forever.
- Don’t impose rules on each other: It is a beautiful association between two beings who have tied the knot mutually. It is not a relationship that of a ruler and a subordinate, principal and a student, that rules are imposed on each other and one has to live under a controlled environment. All of us live in a controlled environment, under set procedures in schools, colleges, offices and with parents and colleagues, at least we should be free in this relationship!!
Following each other’s family traditions, customs, rituals and acceptance for each other willfully and not forcefully is the idea behind long term partnership for which each of the partner should be ready to compromise, which is my next point.
- Be ready to compromise to some extent: compromise as the word suggests is accepting something lower than the desired which is the key to successful marriage. This agreement is by both the companions and is not a sole responsibility of anyone. One should train the mind that, little agreement and compromise has to be there by both the individuals and there is neither any escapism nor an alternative path.
But also, in no way, one should demean oneself or the other partner in this relationship. In no way one should compromise to an extent that his/her self-respect is shattered. So, please learn to draw the line for compromise that it is neither harmful to self nor to your companion, but also remember at the same time that adjustment is important and necessary.
- Marriage is a long life journey, so self-happiness is important along with your partner. By this, I mean spend some time for your own happiness, it can be anything, reading, getting ready for an outing, playing some sport, make-up, gym or dance, I mean anything. Every time tagging along with either your husband or wife is not good for healthy relationship. So, both the partners should give time and space to each other.
- There are some basics of any relationship which should not be forgotten. Being truthful, respect for each other, being non-egoistic, not to conceal or cover things with each other, etc. For details please read my article Survival of the Relationships.
7. Interference is strictly prohibited: Interference by parents, by children, by friends or by anyone is not allowed between spouses. Interference in work related issues, in house hold affairs, in professional work should not happen in-between the partners themselves and by anyone outside. Discussions, guidance, sharing things is different from interference. Rather, engaging in dialogues, discussing things, taking guidance is beneficial for healthy husband wife relation but at the same time intrusion and intervention can be extremely harmful. So, both husband-wife need to understand and learn the difference between intervention and suggestion.
I understand that in every house the situation is different, there are certain external factors which are not in our control which can directly and indirectly impact husband-wife relation. But, I also know that the control of relationship is in both the spouses hand. So, both the partners need to take control of their life journey together and not individually because when you got married, you were married to each other and not to your own self. Therefore, the responsibility is also dual and not on anyone partner’s shoulder.
This article is specifically dedicated towards relationship between husband and wife in shades of relationship part 2. You can go through shades of relationship (part 1) for relationship guide between in-laws.